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The Seventh Commandment III
Jesus’ Teaching on Adultery
The Ten commandments remind me of the mustard seed Jesus talks about in the gospels. From the smallest little seed grows a large plant that shades the garden. The Commandments are like that. From the shortest starkest statement, as you start to think about all that is implied and intended, grow roots that reach to the depths of our understanding, branches that reach out to cover all aspects of our lives, and a crown that shades and protects us from the ways of the evil one.
And so it is with the Seventh Commandment, “Do not commit adultery,”
We might be tempted to think this is really pretty straightforward easy stuff. If I am married I am not to cheat on my husband or wife.
Certainly the commandment means at least this. Negatively, I am not to commit adultery. Positively it means that I am to be faithful. But it means both of these in an internal as well as external sense. I am not to commit adultery in my mind or imagination. I am to be faithful and true in my heart and attitudes. I to foster those things which will build up my wife or husband. In every way I am to be a one woman man, or a one man woman if I am a woman.
But the commandment speaks to non married people as well. It speaks about inner purity. It speaks about appropriate ways of expressing ourselves sexually.
Jesus dealt with these issues head on. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus lays out for us the way of the kingdom. If we are to be followers of Jesus, this is how we are to live. The teaching is radical in that it cuts to the core, it cuts to the root, it exposes our sin, and it calls us to a way that is really different, to a purity and holiness of the inner person.
The Old Testament Commandment not to commit adultery had come to be taken not so much as a matter of purity but of theft. Do not steal your neighbor’s wife. But Jesus points the commandment in another direction, toward obtaining an inner purity that does not lust. For not only is the lust itself wrong, opposed to the inner purity God wants to brings about in our hearts, but inner lust is the place where even external adultery begins.
Hear the words of Jesus:
You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
There are several things to note:
1. Jesus is drawing out a contrast between a commonly held view and his authoritative view. He is not saying or implying that the Commandment is lacking. He is saying that the common understanding of the commandment falls short.
2. Jesus shows us that there are three participants involved in lust. There is the external object – the channel or gateway – and the heart within. Anyone who looks – there is the gateway, at a woman – there is the external object, lustfully – there is the desire and sin of the heart. These are the three elements in lust – the external object, the gateway or channel to the heart, and the heart which lusts.
3. Jesus goes on to say that inner impulse and desire of lust, that this itself amounts to adultery. If the external act of adultery is wrong, then the internal desire is also wrong. God is calling us to an inner purity of heart as well as an outward righteousness.
4. Jesus talks about a man looking lustfully at a woman. Of course the same holds true for a woman looking at a man. For the rest of this message, if I speak of a man looking lustfully at a woman, I also include a woman looking this way at a man. But from all I can tell in talking to men and woman, in observing human behavior, in reading about differences between men and woman, men are more likely to be led into sin through the gateway of their eyes, and women through their imagination fueled by their longing for intimacy. One writer has said that men have an insatiable desire for sexual variety, and woman for intimacy. This is a generalization, and there are men who fit this profile of women and woman men, but I think it is generally true. So possibly Jesus might have said something like, “Women, do not fantasize about other men filling your intimacy needs.” Do you agree?
But anyway, Jesus goes on to point out just how serious he is abut the whole issue.
If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
Jesus here is using exaggeration or hyperbole to make a crucial point. The point is that our holiness really should be our highest priority. It is to Him. It should be to us. The Scripture lays out two roads, two ways, two paths before us, the way of the kingdom of God, the way of the kingdom of darkness, the way of light and the way of darkness, the way of life and the way of death, the narrow way and the broad way.
The way of Jesus is the way of purity, faithfulness, and love of others, the way of sin is the way of lust, faithlessness, and self love. One road leads to life, the other leads to destruction. We know that we cannot in ourselves ever be good enough to warrant heaven. Jesus has died for us. We also know that we can never change ourselves enough to walk in the way of life, and so God enters into our hearts when we call out to him in faith and repentance, and He begins to empower us to walk in his way. But we still must do all we can to walk in his way, all the while knowing it is really him empowering us.
Jesus says that whatever would keep us from walking along the way of life, that we need to deal with that intentionally and decisively. We cannot be flippant or casual about the way of life. Too much is at stake.
Jesus’ hard words force us to evaluate our priorities. Are we more concerned with our holiness or our happiness? Do we desire more to become like Christ or to gratify our desires? Are we seeking our own life, or are we willing even to blind and maimed if needed in order to follow Him?
Jesus words will not allow us to face this or any other issue of sanctification casually. He means business and so should we. But Jesus is calling me to an inner purity and inner faithfulness. This is so hard isn’t it. Ever since Adam and Eve fell into sin and rebellion, that part of me which is my maleness or femaleness, that which seeks to be complemented through the other, somehow this has been messed up, skewed, twisted. There is now in me a sexually related desire which we call lust, which is a sensuous appetite, a desire in me which wants and tries to be gratified.
This inner desire is a powerful and dominating force. It can come to preoccupy the mind and control the life. Decisions, even big decisions, get made often even subconsciously in order to gratify this monster within. This desire fuels the imagination, which creates its own world of gratification through fantasy.
In a moment I am going to speak about how we seek to starve this desire of food. But let me make one point very clear. Even if we cut out our eyes, even if we went away and lived alone in the desert, even if we fled from every possible external source of temptation -- this monster would still be there, and it would still feed itself through the imagination, and Satan would still tempt through the imagination. This point has been proven over and over through the centuries by those who have sought to escape the world and live lives of solitude in the desert, by those who have been imprisoned for years on end in dark places away from all external temptations. The real battle is in here, and we can’t run away from ourselves. As we shall see, the less we give our imaginations to work with, the better. But we must not forget that the real problem is in here, inside.
Jesus put it this way:
Mark 7:20-23:
He went on: "What comes out of a man is what makes him 'unclean.' For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man 'unclean.'"
This inner desire seeks out external sources of gratification. I like the way James describes it:
James 1:13-15:
When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
In other words, we can’t blame God when we are tempted. It is the evil desire within that drags us away and entices us.
2 Sam 11:2-4:
One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, "Isn't this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?" Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her.
Aren’t you glad you aren’t a king. Aren’t you glad you aren’t rich? Can you imagine how much harder it would be to be holy if you had all the power or money you wanted to gratify your desires?
But we see the pattern: The inner desire or disposition is there. Through the window of the eye it goes on a search and gratify mission. Bingo, it finds an external object or person. The desire then gives birth to a sinful behavior, a sinful imagination, a sinful longing.
The eye is the window. Jesus says that if the eye causes you to sin, cut it out. This I believe is hyperbole. he doesn’t want us mutilating ourselves. He is making a point. He is saying don’t look, he is saying avoid
I want to consider this from two angles. First, we aren’t to look at all at that which is illicit. Second, we aren’t to look wrongly at that which in itself is not illicit. Sometimes the answer is simply “Don’t look.” Other times it is “Don’t look twice.”
First, let us consider those things which the eye would gaze upon that are in themselves illicit or unnecessary.
A lot of people make a lot of money taking advantage of your tendency to lust. There are people in corporate board rooms all over America planning how they will enslave you. They do this through advertising and packaging. They do this through entertainment media. They are making money on your weakness.
Jesus said something very harsh about this:
Luke 17:1-3a:
Jesus said to his disciples: "Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.
I get some comfort from that, but I still have to avoid their tricks.
See how easy visual media makes it? In real life it would be very hard to gaze upon a woman or man at close range. It would be very hard to see other people in intimate situations. You would be thrown in jail. Visual media makes this kind of lust easy and possible.
And the profound problem with this is that these images get stored in the memory and they later feed the imagination. It’s bad enough to look lustfully the first time, but that sin goes with you. It gives the devil a foothold.
This is why you should be very careful about what you watch on TV or at the movies, or what you read, even if there are no pictures, because words can paint a powerful picture for the mind.
Jesus said that whoever looks lustfully at a woman commits adultery with her.
And so I say to all of you men, younger or older, married or single. Cut yourself off from that which would feed your temptation to look lustfully. This means for many of you that you should be very careful what you watch on TV, at the movies, on videos, in magazines. Not only is looking lustfully at the time you do it wrong and displeasing to God. But it also fees your imagination later, for years and years. Do not give the devil a foothold. Those of you who are fathers of growing young lads, I encourage you to have a heart to heart with your sons over this very issue, and as long as your sons are in your house to keep a close watch on what they are allowed to feed their minds. And be an example to them of purity and godliness.
In movies or television, a scene doesn’t have to be explicit to be a problem. There doesn’t have to be nudity. I went to one PG-13 movie last year -- the most recent James Bond movie, and I thought it was just bristling with sensuality and sexual innuendo. The same could be said for much of MTV. If there are explicit scenes I want you to remember this: not only are the actor and actress sinning by using their so called art to entice you, or letting their producers use them in this way, they are sinning in the very act of what they are doing before the camera. And you are rewarding them for doing that. So I ask this question: who is enticing whom?
Job said it so beautifully:
I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl (Job 31:1).
We also should make such a covenant. And this covenant should include what we allow ourselves to gaze upon and look at on TV and in movies and in books and magazines. We should find a person who can hold us accountable to keep our covenant, a person we can call if we are facing temptation, a person who can call us in times where we might be weak.
But what about what we see in everyday life? Granted, I can make myself stop watching certain things on TV, but I can’t avoid seeing real people.
Here we must distinguish the difference between seeing and looking at on the one hand and looking at lustfully on the other. When I talk to a person I am to look at them. When I walk around I see lots of people. Here one knows the difference between a look and a second look.
A first look brings something to our attention. The little desire raises itself within, and we turn around for another look, or a gaze.
What about little temptations we have in ordinary interchanges we have with certain people, where in certain ways we are tempted to notice certain things or be drawn to another person in some way. Obviously a certain level of attraction is good and important and normal in dating, courting, and married relationships. But what about in normal everyday relationships between a married man and another woman not his wife, or a man and the wife of another man?
This can be everything from a little annoyance to a major issue. To a certain degree it is normal, and must be borne with dignity between all concerned. But one must put a check on the imagination, and if the problem is just too great, avoid unnecessary interaction with that person. But remember, the real problem is in here. If it is not one person it will be another, so the issue is how to deal with it in here.
I need to say that obeying Jesus can be painful. Only when one acknowledges and is realistic about this pain can one really make progress, and have a measure of grace and a godly sense of humor about this part of our lives. What do I mean by pain? You know how you feel when you really want to eat a chocolate chip cookie, and you look and stare and then walk away because you are trying to lose weight. It hurts to walk away. Likewise there is a kind of pain and sadness about saying “no!” to the desire we call lust, or by saying “no!” to a fantasy about someone really meeting our needs for intimacy. We simply must come to grips with that pain, we must learn to accept it, we must learn that it can never be obliterated. A man lusts for a woman. He plays out his desire and has an adulterous or extra marital relationship, and what does he discover? He still lusts. It never stops! And the pain of saying “no!” is still there. A woman longs for intimacy and is led to think she will have her intimacy needs met by that man paying so much attention to her, and she has an adulterous or extra marital relationship, and what does she discover? She still longs for more intimacy than he can deliver. The longing never stops. And the pain of saying “no!” is still there.
And so we must carry on with a measure of dignity and sober realism in our relationships with others, and with ourselves.
There are ways we can help one another. Women, because the eye is the channel of temptation for the man, be careful in how you dress. Generally I would say dress modestly with clothes that draw attention to your face, and not to other parts of you. Men, because the desire for intimacy provides temptation for the woman, be careful in the time you spend talking in personal and intimate terms with a woman. In either case, remember Jesus’ warning about those who cause His little ones to stumble.
The most difficult battle is the battle in our imagination. In this battle we are alone and we fight our demons alone and by ourselves. The desert fathers about went crazy fighting the devil head on over the turf of their imagination. They had almost the whole Bible memorized. They wielded the sword of the Spirit against the devil with great fury. And a lot of them went insane. Often a fight is just best avoided if it can be. This is why often the best cure I know for this is wholesome distraction and not being alone. Men have longed joked about the merit of chopping wood when dealing with sexual temptation. Working hard is often a good distraction. Being busy with people or calling a friend can buy time to let the temptation fade away. Idleness gives the mind too much to space, even if the mind has all the right Scriptures memorized..
Always seek the empowering of the Spirit but don’t over spiritualize the issue. Look for good practical solutions if possible. Realize that what you are experiencing is common to man. You will not be tempted beyond what you can bear. You are not a freak or a scoundrel. Everybody struggles with this to some extent or another. When you fail, pray for forgiveness, plead the merit of the blood of Christ, and move on. Ask the Lord to take back any ground the devil may have gained.
I have intentionally tried to deal with practical decisions we can make as seek to be pure and faithful in our relationships. But the two greatest weapons are the word of God and prayer.
The Psalmist has said:
Psalm 119:9-11:
How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
When the word of God dwells in us we can use the word and quote the word in a time of temptation. This gives our mind another thing to think about, to concentrate upon. We may even use the word directly in direct address against the enemy, but I discourage too much of this. It is the word of God which God most needs to transform us. Sometimes I can’t believe how little time is spent by so many in the word of God, dwelling upon it, meditating upon it, memorizing it. And then we complain about being dry, about being weak in temptation, about not feeling close to God, about having our priorities out of whack.
Not only does the word give us ammunition in the time of temptation, but in a general way as we follow the way of the word we will live more wisely and we will find ourselves in compromising situations less often.
I put emphasis on the word here because it is the word that informs our prayers. So often we get into a situation of temptation and we lift up our piddly little desperation prayers, when if we had been living according to the way of wisdom outlined in the word we wouldn’t have been in the situation in the first place.
One of the best things married couples can do is spend time in the word and in prayer with one another. Not only does this have the general effect of allowing the word to dwell in us, but it also meets intimacy needs and strengthens the bonds of faithfulness and commitment. I have not been very faithful in this, and I know a lot of you other men haven’t either. I call us back to this pattern of life. There are few things your wives would most desire for you to do with them.
Never forget that sanctification is a lifelong process. You will never be cured of this struggle. You will always be dealing with it. Thus you are as much dependent upon the blood of Christ today as when you first came to him in faith and repentance. the Christian life is one of ongoing and continual repentance. Sometimes it seems that God has let the sin tendency to remain in us just to keep us always in that state if repentant trust. Repentant trust -- this is the way of the Christian, and this is where we return, to the gospel, to the promises of God, to our weakness, to His provision, and to the hope that when we put aside these bodies the struggle will end, and we will be free indeed. |
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