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December 10
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
For you
And all the times I had the chance to
Jackson Browne, from “These Days”
It’s hard to believe that Jackson Browne was 16 when he wrote or began writing most of the song These Days. The words seem to describe the thoughts of an older man, looking back. And older man like me.
It certainly describes me and my life. When I was a younger person I mostly had guilt for things I had done that I should not have done. Praise God, by His grace, that guilt is lifted through Jesus Christ.
As I have gotten older I have realized that the sins of omission, the things I have not done and should have, were and are more important than the things that I have done and should not have. Maybe for me that’s because I have not that done many terrible things, as things go; well not so far.
But so many acts of love, kindness, giving, thoughtfulness; so many expressions of thankfulness and gratitude; so many opportunities to be a blessing, and I did nothing.
That weighs on me more these days. Yes, I know Jesus paid the penalty for that stuff too. No, I do not have some weird psycho guilt complex. I just think an “ethic of avoidance,” that is, an ethic built around not doing bad things, is very much easier than an ethic built around doing good things. And I think Jesus calls me to the latter as well as the former.
I wish I had a chance to tell Mr. Sanders what a great principle he was that first year of desegregation in Columbia SC, and what a great teacher Mrs. Tollison was, and what really great coach Mr. Chavis was, and how good Mrs. Marshall was to me, and how much I loved Fannie, our maid growing up, and you can say what you want but she was a princess to me, and I loved her like my own mother, and speaking of which how I wish I had called and written my mother more, and my grandmother, and so many others.
But today is today, and I am where I am, and there are people, my wife and children, my neighbors, people who wait on me in stores, who make my life better in so many ways, and those special friends, and my remaining aunts and uncles, and my siblings and cousins, and the needy people who are out there somewhere shivering tonight under a bridge. I want to be a better person the last half of my adult life than the first half.
Lord, help me not to be lazy. Help me to act on my good thoughts and good intentions. Help me to reach outside of my shell and comfort zone to help and love real people around me. I know Jesus’ sufferings include suffering for my shortcomings, my failures to love and to do good. But I want to be different. I want to be like him. Help me.
I hope down the road there will be less regret in my life, and more of a sense of having been a good and faithful servant. I don’t want to relate so well to that song as I do now.
But these days…
I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
For you
And all the times I had the chance to
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